Kanye West — “I Am a God”

Kanye begins with samples that allude to the legend of Pygmalion. Pygmalion, a sculptor of godlike artistry, lost interest in women after regarding the debauchery of the Propoetides (in legend, the world’s first prostitutes). Pygmalion instead fell in love with a statue he carved out of ivory. The goddess Aphrodite brought the statue to life, and Pygmalion married her, thus literally constructing for himself an ideal woman.

Through this sampling, West suggests his godlike power to mould women similarly. He will teach them the true value and meaning of life. He denies his sexual interest in these women. Then he says he is a god and women should massage him and have group sex with him. They should also serve as his valets.

West repeatedly declares himself a god. However, he does not consider this blasphemy. God has taken his life in hand, and taken a special interest in the Jesus-like Kanye. Also, if you mess with Kanye he will smite you.

Kanye West claims to be the only rapper meaningfully compared to Michael Jackson (who was not a rapper). He refuses to cater to his fans or the media, and in fact delights in offending his critics. The best way to offend is to wear pink shirts and a backpack. This is the height of style.

Kanye knows style, for he has become a godlike figure in the world of fashion, as far as he is concerned. His friends deserve some credit for this. He shall continue to reign supreme over all of rap and fashion’s creation, until he is struck by lightning and dies.

Kanye is a god. Therefore, he expects a massage — stat! He dines in fancy French restaurants where the service is too slow. Bring him his croissants, now! Kanye screams, perhaps out of frustration at having to wait too long for croissants, despite how much he is probably paying for these croissants, given the fanciness of this French restaurant.

After he has tired of screaming, Kanye recounts a conversation that he recently had with Jesus. Jesus wondered what was up with Kanye. Nothing much, as it turns out. He was just relaxing and stacking money (with some difficulty, given how much money he has — we can assume that the piles kept falling over). That was the whole conversation.

Even though Kanye is a god, he has humility. He knows that Jesus is slightly greater than he. Since Kanye has the proper respect for Jesus, they hang out all the time. They chill at each other’s pads. They are family, like the mafia.

By the way, Kanye is a god. Kanye will never stop being a god. Cue the screams.

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