Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX — “Fancy”

First things first: Iggy Azalea is authentic. (Iggy Azalea, by the way, is her stage name — her real name is Amethyst Kelly.) The whole world now knows this, since she has just explained this in a popular song lyric. Previously, she recorded a song with T.I. — to this date, nobody has erased her vocal track from that record.

Iggy Azalea, like gravity (a topic upon which she is prepared to give lectures), is a powerful force. As a result, you should want to have sex with her. Should you attempt to take Iggy on a date, know this: her perfect night would include dancing, a mixture of alcoholic beverages, dressing up for the occasion, and expensive jewelry. She does not mix her liquor, preferring to drink it straight. She likes to party on rooftops and listen to loud music with catchy song structures and substantive bass, like the songs she herself records. When she spills her champagne, you should attempt to catch it in your mouth, since she drinks only the finest champagne that you can probably not afford to procure otherwise.

Iggy Azalea is, in a word, fancy.

You already knew Iggy was fancy, so forgive Charli XCX for explaining it again anyway. The two of them travel worldwide. One of the drinks they seem to enjoy is Goldschläger, a Swiss cinnamon schnapps which contains about half a Euro’s worth of gold flakes as a visible ingredient. You should remember the names “Iggy Azalea” and “Charli XCX” because both are about to become much more popular than they are at present.

Iggy can rap well. She is unable to shop at department stores, since she is snobbish. She will not perform for charities. You should rewind the song a little, so that you once more hear her explain that she requires money to perform. Iggy has no time to worry about people who dislike her. She has a demanding work schedule that does not allow her this luxury.

Iggy once heard a rumour that somebody makes a lot of money. It turned out that person was her. She spells her stage name with four letters: the first letter is I, the second and third letters are G, and the final letter is Y. When you publish Iggy’s name in any way, you should set “Iggy” in boldface type. This is her design preference, since it connotes importance.

Iggy has been working quite regularly of late, as noted, and therefore has made a great deal of money. She intends to toss her unwanted change at the audience next time she performs on stage.

Charli XCX feels the need to reiterate that Iggy and herself are, in a word, fancy — they tour, they drink Goldschläger, and so on. What are some of the fancy things that they do? Well, for one, they trash hotel rooms while on tour, after getting drunk on alcohol procured from the minibar. Yes, they are rich enough that they can afford to buy things from the minibar — they also think nothing of paying a hotel’s exorbitant telephone charges. They enjoy this life. They listen to loud music, swing from chandeliers, imagine that they are film stars, and refuse to allow you to grope them.

They are, in a word, fancy.

Iggy likes to show off her wealth. When she does, the world wonders how she became so wealthy. She dislikes it when people try to grope her, though she does like to tease them with her voluptuous body. She looks so delicious that men want to eat her. She never lowers the volume on her stereo. She alludes to a James Bond film, in order to suggest that she, like Bond, has expensive tastes and thinks nothing of murdering her foes.

Iggy and Charli are pretty fancy! Iggy spells her stage name with four letters — an I, two Gs, and a Y. Don’t forget! Her popularity should soar soon, and you will look foolish if you don’t know who this “Iggy” is that everyone will soon be talking about.

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